I am burned out…

After so many things, I feel helpless and lonely. I don’t know is there any one hear my voice or understand my feeling, I think there are nobody. It feels like you are standing middle of darkness, you don’t know if there is someone, so you talk and reach out your hands, but nobody answer and your hand is stopped in the middle of the space. You can not see, you can not hear, most scary part is, maybe there are nobody listen to you…

How many nights, I try to sleep, but I can’t, I tried to meditate, but it wasn’t work. I start to blame myself, all these happened because of me. I should never leave my home, at least I can be with my parents a little bit longer. I should never let them travel abroad, at least they will not on the black list of Chinese government. I should never miss them, at least I haven’t contacted them that often, so the authority maybe not interest into them… Millions of “I should never” s make my brain running on it is limit.

I don’t remember, how many nights I stand alone, how many times I cryied in secret, how many times I hope some hug me and comfort me, how many times I hope I can contact with my parents, at least contact with someone who can tell what is happening to them. Nobody…

It feels like the world left me alone in a dark corner of hopelessness. I prayed, no answer, I tried everything I can, but it wasn’t work…

I feel lonely, my spirit is like a volcano, it wants to out from my body, just like my tears…

I feel like I am burned out…

If the next life is really exist, if I can choice where to burn, I hope to burn somewhere people respected, people have freedom, people enjoy their rights…

I lost my very last hope, I think maybe it is time to finish all this…

2 thoughts on “I am burned out…

  1. My brother. Please don’t lose your hope. We will get our freedom back if we all come together to fight. We need to try to let more people know about us. I’m still a citizen of China, so I’m too scared to give you my contact. I’m sorry

    Like

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